Lost at sea…

My back ache’s unbearably, the muscles around my neck are clenched tightly, my brain feels foggy, i’m shattered beyond belief. Looking back the last 12 weeks i’ve been extremely stressed. In 84 days i’ve probably only taken 5 rest days from the gym. I’ve also been working hard on my business and trying to juggle more balls than I can manage.

Instead of being fully present, i’ve been constantly thinking about the next thing to tick of my ‘To Do List’. I’ve felt like a dog chasing its tail – every time i’ve completed a task, two more have been added to the list!

There have been moments of sheer panic, in my home, at the supermarket, at the gym. I’ve felt utterly flustered and unable to gather clear thoughts, causing me to have sporadic panic attacks. When this happens my heart races, beads of sweet run down my forehead like Niagara falls and I lose all ability to think with any great clarity.

My sleep has been poor, i’ve felt tired, and the weight of the world bearing down heavily on my shoulders. The last week things have really gotten the better of me, i’ve felt weak and mildly depressed.

Light at the end of the tunnel…

This morning however I had an epiphany. As I woke up in a haze of doom and gloom, feeling groggy and unable to gather my thoughts…

I got up, made a coffee and decided to spend 1hr chilling the f*ck out by reading my book! A bit of ‘me time’ – escapism from the tasks I’ve set myself to accomplish today. I made a strong coffee (2 scoops) and sat down on my comfy bed. As the room was hot, I turned my electric fan on it’s low swivel setting. As the caffeine kicked in, and the breeze of the fan lightly hit my face I sat and just read my book…

The book ‘Travels with Epicurus’ – it’s a great read. It’s basically all about an old man who’s on a journey to find out the right way to lead an old life. The book discusses different philosophies and makes you think about the meaning of life. As I read a light bulb went off in my head. I need to get a f*cking grip! No more stressing, I need to enjoy my life at this present moment. I realised that despite my feeling of stress, it’s all been an illusion, a story which i’ve told myself and believed.

I’m not stressed at all, i’m absolutely fine. Life is sweet. I’m young, I have a roof over my head, I have access to food and water. I have a loving family. My girlfriend is beautiful in every way. I have a business which I love, with great clients, and which allows me to work comfortably in my own home.

Swimming back to shore…

Today although I plan on completing my to do list I don’t feel the pressure. In fact quite the opposite, I can’t wait to get stuck in. I’m going to be fully present in everything I do, from the coffees I make, to the blogs I write, to the people I speak with, the book I read, the food I eat, you name it!

It’s time to smile and live in the moment. I’m going to appreciate how frickin lucky I really am.

Nick