I would sit at the back of the class, my mind wandering like a stream, i’d be thinking about my Ice hockey training later on that evening, just largely thinking about anything other than what I was supposed to…. mathematical equations!
School never appealed to me, I’d switch of in class. My attention span was poor. I was in the bottom sets (for every subject!). The lessons I learned at school came outside of the classroom. Street wise. The chaotic adolescent hustle and bustle of youth all trying to navigate there way through a challenging social dynamic, with the attempt of discovering and establishing their own identity.
There were the smart kids (straight A students!), the badly behaved one’s (always in detention!), the sports jocks, and of course… the hardest kid in school (who would knock the cr*p out of you unless you paid for his lunch!)
Oh the joys of adolescence.
Unfortunately I never really fitted into any of those camps just mentioned. I was more of a chameleon – adapting to my situation and relatively popular with all – although I never fully immersed myself with a particular group, I kind of always hovered on the outskirts.
I’d never hang out after school. I’d prefer to wack a golf ball around my mums lounge with a hockey stick! In retrospect I was more on the introverted side and would enjoy spending time alone in my own fantasy world – playing for the Mighty Ducks! and ruling the world.
If you’d have asked the teachers what they thought of me back then, well they’d all have given you different answers. Some would say I was an angel, others would say I was a nightmare, a class clown, and a waste of oxygen!
If you’d have asked them to talk about my academic capabilities they’d have been very unflattering. I wasn’t academic at all! I was however pretty street smart, although introverted I could communicate well with people and had a good awareness of most social situations – I new when to tell a joke, when to be quiet, when to compliment, when to be authoritative, and all the other social skills required to make life easier.
A long 5 year period. School made me feel stupid, I felt lonely. I didn’t have the mental fortitude, or the emotional understanding/skills to pull myself together. I was different to the others, I felt different. Different was not good.
As i’ve grown older (27 years! jesus!) I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself and oddly become more academic, believe it or not I actually went to University and got a degree!
We live in a world that places great pressure on us to fit in: whether that be the clothes we wear, our hairstyles, our language, ethnicity, financial status, height, weight, you name it! There’s this invisible pressure to fit in. This is acceptable. This is not. Anything that doesn’t fit within the ‘unwritten rules’ will not be accepted. Wow. How can this be?
I’ve realised that being unique is frickin awesome. Everyone of us is special in our own way. We all have something to give to the world, whether that’s holding a stick and helping kids safely cross the road to school, setting up an organisation to help those in 3rd world countries, taking care of the elderly, raising our children, whatever it may be…
Never ever feel like your not good enough because you are.
Just some deep refections I had today on my walk…
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