I know this may be a sensitive subject for you, and I’m going to try my best to tread carefully…
It’s something I’ve witnessed over the years during the course of running my one to one personal training business, and that is…
An unhappy relationship with your spouse rubs off into all areas of your life…
From your self-esteem, career, to your weight…
Yes, I said it…
That dreaded word…
In this article, I thought I’d broach this sensitive subject and share my thoughts…
Why do you gain weight?
Before delving into the topic of marriage and weight gain, why do you gain weight in the first place?
The answer is pretty straight forward…
It’s overconsuming calories.
When you consume more calories than you burn, your body will store weight.
If you want to lose weight, you need to consume less calories. Basically, the number one aim is to create a calorie deficit.
You can lose weight by reducing calories and moving more, which is how all successful diets and exercise programmes work.
Whether you follow the 28 Day Keto Challenge, Atkins diet, low carb, high carb, Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Herbal Life, or whatever diet you choose…
As long as you create a calorie deficit…
WEIGHT LOSS WILL HAPPEN (caps intended!)
So now that’s been covered…
Why do we eat?
You need food for energy to survive. It’s essential for all humans.
So the main reason for food is energy.
That said, most of us use food for more than survival purposes…
We use food because:
- It’s tasty
- Makes you feel good – gives you a brief dopamine high
- Blunts stress – for a short period
- Acts as a distraction – we can temporarily avoid our worries
- Cheap – for £1 you can buy a large and pleasurable chocolate bar
- Self-sabotage – to reinforce a negative self-image of ourself
In a nutshell, we use food…
To gain PLEASURE or to ESCAPE pain (sometimes a combo of both).
After a hard day’s work, when your boss has shouted at you, and you’re feeling down in the dumps, it’s all too easy to reach for that milky chocolate bar that’s waiting for you in the fridge isn’t it?
For a brief 60s while the sugar trickles down your throat and hits your stomach…
All your problems vanish….
You feel complete.
Shame and guilt kick in…
You hop on the scales the next day, and guess what? That weight you worked so hard to lose last week has come back on…and not only that…you’ve gained a pound!
This negative eating cycle has a habit of repeating itself, and your emotions dictate your eating behaviours – does this sound familiar?
Don’t worry if you said YES… you are not alone.
If you are unstable in any area of your life, food is a common go-to source of comfort. It’s also why so many people have issues with their weight.
Marriage and Weight Gain
Marriage is supposed to be a fairy tale, where two come together and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go to plan (in fact…it rarely does)
There are ups and downs, highs, and lows. Tragedies happen, people change, and who knows what’s around the corner?
I’m sorry… I don’t mean to sound depressing, but life is a rollercoaster ride, and the sooner you accept this, the better you’ll be able to cope with the unexpected.
A positive marriage can lift you up and make you feel whole, whereas a negative or abusive marriage can have the opposite effect…
I’ve lost count of the people I’ve worked with whom have had their confidence destroyed by a negative or abusive relationship. Often to the point where they become clinically depressed, or so trapped inside their own head that they can see no way out.
The truth is that if you’re in an unhappy marriage, you are likely to seek happiness elsewhere. That could be drink, drugs, food, or any behaviour for that matter…
The behaviour may not always be a destructive one. For example, last year, I coached a lady who went through a lengthy and stressful divorce. Initially, she dealt with her situation by binging on food, but then when we started working together…
We redirected her energy into losing weight. She managed to lose 39lbs in six months and became a gym addict. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this, and it won’t be the last.
I’m here to tell you that there is hope for you. In the next section I’d like to provide some solutions that I hope will ease and improve your situation.
Before we jump to solutions, it’s important to remember that you have two choices when you’re in an unhappy marriage…
You can either try to:
- Save your relationship and rebuild
- End the marriage
I know ending a marriage can be painful, and you may feel trapped and scared…
But you do have a choice.
The first step is to recognise YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
I’m confident you’ll have heard lots of these recommendations before. But that said common knowledge isn’t always common practice. If you’re struggling in your marriage, now is the time to act…
#1 Seek Help
Naturally, you may want to fix your marriage yourself (it’s human nature), and in many cases, you can fix it. But at times we need help (that goes for all of us), and there’s no shame in reaching out…
If your marriage is on the rocks and you’re not managing to get things back on track…
Why not reach out and speak to a marriage counselor? Especially if you believe your marriage is worth fighting for…therapy could actually save your marriage.
There are also some excellent online resources to check out. I recommend ReGain to my clients for outstanding online articles. These guys are the experts when it comes to relationship advice, and they offer excellent support.
#2 Self Development
You’ll hear me talking about this to my clients daily, and I pretty much mention it in most of my blogs… what am I talking about?
Working on yourself both inside and out. Self-development is about building a stronger relationship and connection with yourself. It’s about staying fit, both mentally and physically. To do this, I recommend:
- Reading books – check out my recommendations here
- Listening to podcasts
- Hiring a coach – whether that’s a personal trainer, life coach, relationship coach, etc.
- Meditating – check out this article on the benefits of meditation
I often find that when a client starts to work on their mind and body, two things happen:
- The client feels happier, and therefore their marriage improves
- The client is better able to handle stresses and hardships during their relationship
#3 Make Time
Sometimes it can be as simple as making time for your spouse.
In any relationship, each person has their own needs. Both need to be met for a happy and fulfilled relationship.
I know it sounds so simple, but sitting down and calmly talking about your feelings can have a very positive impact on your marriage.
TIP – Whenever you talk, try and leave heated emotions out of it. Listen to what the other person wants and needs, and then state your own needs.
This is the key to a successful relationship, whether in business, with friends, your spouse, etc…
Both yours and your partner’s ‘needs’ must be met.
Why not schedule in time each week to talk? It doesn’t have to be a sit-down face to face talk. It could be a nice walk in the countryside. Why not exercise together and do a gym class? Or workout in the park?
Sorry to be blunt. But if you’ve tried counseling, given your marriage everything you’ve got…but nothing is working…then maybe it’s time to start a new chapter?
I know this is a big decision. Make sure to have a support network on hand to help you – that could be a friend, family member, or somebody you trust to be a stable rock during an often very emotionally tricky period.
This article was written by Daniel Burch a freelance health and fitness copywriter who specialises in providing unique and engaging content for fitness businesses around the web.